Life Update X My Story

It's been a while huh? 

Firstly is it too late to say I hope 2024 has been kind to you so far (sorry I haven't been present on the blog). Life got SUPER BUSYYY, the days/weeks/months are flying by - can't believe we're almost at the end of April already! 

In the time I've been gone from the blog yet more progress has been made with my self confidence, self esteem and overall worth, we've been levelling up and feeling happier within myself for the most part. I'm still volunteering *which is going well* and also still doing my YouTube, we've recently reached 100 subscribers which is a madness and I'm now able to record close up videos of me speaking without makeup on; for some reason I didn't feel presentable without makeup and I applied the theory of baby steps used for anxiety to help me overcome this. I've recently finished taking part in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy after nearly 2 years, which is a really long time, therapy is hard man ain't nothing easy about revealing all your thoughts/feelings/issues and symptoms but it's life changing if you're open to the response by listening and trying to implement the knowledge and/or viewpoints to help change things. I've learnt and changed so much in the time I've been taking part and I'm still under the care of the mental health team for a little while yet but my time with them is coming to a close.

We've also been progressing with the many Junk Journals that I started in 2023, it's actually ridiculous the work load I've set for myself and we're like half way thru which means we've been working really fucking hard man; there's around 30 junk journal books in progress and we've finished 8 of them so far. When I say we('ve) I mean me, I'm a one man band as the expression goes and I refer to myself in third person sometimes for an unknown reason lol. Rome wasn't built in a day and I've to remind myself of that occasionally - my art should teach me patience because it's not an art style where you can get everything done in one go ya gotta keep working on it, for each stage is different but important to the final thing produced. 

In Feb I was on an interview panel for the mental health team i'm under the care of, interviewing a few candidates for the job role and it was an experience I'm really grateful to have had because it was nice to see the other side of interviews and being involved in the process such as deciding questions I'd like to ask...it's still just as nerve wracking being on the other side asking the questions and you want the person to do well. Being nervous doesn't necessarily go against you, if you're saying all the right things you can score pretty highly. 

Life ain't been all sunshine and rainbows tho, my mental health has been struggling after we had a period of feeling so excited to be alive. I've been exhausted and struggling to motivate myself but that frustrates me because I see everyday as a chance to improve something or work towards achieving something but I haven't been able to do much recently. Feeling like always have to be productive isn't healthy I know, maybe this time period is teaching me I need to change my ways to plan a few realistic tasks to achieve in that day rather than working on big goals, just trying to do as much as I can with the time that I have each day. The human body isn't designed to work like that and ultimately no satisfaction is achieved because focus is all on comparing did you do enough that day rather than being happy you achieved xyz from your todo list.

In all honesty I've been little lost as to what direction this blog is heading in, I had it all worked out but got out of the swing of things with writers block... I've been researching behind the scenes instead and I aim to start posting weekly again rather than sporadically. My prep book is FULL of idea's and research so in theory I've plenty of content that could potentially be coming your way soon! 

Till next time,

Stevie x